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Drinking Alone

I became engaged to my husband thirty-five years ago today. It is really quite incredible that so much time has gone by and that I’ve lived long enough to have lived with someone else this long. But alas, I have.While the decades of togetherness are mind boggling, the new things I’ve learned about my husband in the recent past have given me reason to pause and think—and um, laugh.

Just last week I learned that my husband of thirty years plus does not like sharing tubes of toothpaste (with me). In June, I discovered he preferred having his first cup of coffee alone and in silence. None of this upsets me, after all it’s toothpaste and coffee we’re talking about.

Most of us derive a fair amount of comfort in “knowing” the people we love. Still it’s wise to be wary of inertia that can settle into long term relationships. When we imagine that there is nothing more to discover, we can get lazy in love. And so I’m relieved to be learning more about the man I agreed to marry thirty-five years ago. Now when I wake up as early as he does (rarely), I pour myself a cup of coffee and disappear into another room. I’m not sure he’s noticed yet but then again it took nearly thirty years for me to discover he likes to drink that first cup alone.



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